Last night I found myself battling my own emotions as the realisation of how much the ASD really is affecting my little man, I guess because I see him every day and that his behavior and little ticks are second nature to me that I do not really notice it, but tonight as he stod there with other children of his age did it hit me just how different my little man really is to other children his age.
Last night was Neil’s school carol concert at a local church, where children from his year and the year above talked about the Christmas story and sang traditional carols to those who came to watch.
Sitting down in the church I looked at all the other parents there sitting eagerly awaiting their child to say their lines or sing with their class but instead of sitting there watching the other children performing I found myself watching and studying Neil, his behavior, his body language. It was evident that he was out of his comfort zone.Compared to all of the other children in the church sitting there nicely waiting their turn Neil was restless, figgity, squirming about in his chair, pulling faces, rocking back and forth. I watched as his teacher kept going to him to see if he was ok, trying to re assure him but I knew he wasn’t..
Then came the moment for him to stand up and say his lines.. I knew that he wouldn’t like it, all of those eyes sitting there, staring at him eagerly waiting.. He stood up along with his friend Keira who had been given the job to help Neil. Because of his learning difficulties and problems with reading she read the lines to him so that he could repeat them which he did, unfortunately his baby-ish tone made it very difficult to understand and as soon as he finished he hid behind Keira… But at least he gave it a go and his teacher had given him that opportunity, there are so many teachers I know that wouldn’t because the time it would have taken her to work with Neil in it.
Now watching him bought tears to my eyes and I had several mums who know Neil commenting after seeing me in an emotional state that I must be so proud of him.…Of course I was, I was super proud of my little man for trying and giving it a go but this was not the reason for the tears, it was because watching him standing up there, surrounded by his friends it hit me just how different Neil is to other children, how much the ASD affects him and makes him different to other children his age. That the simple task of memorising or reading his lines are not easy for him, that he cant sit still in a chair for two minutes or stand still with thevother children and it absolutely broke my heart seeing it :(